Newborn Baby CAPTIONED!

BABY: "Jealous?"

BABY: "I wouldn't hold it against you if you kidnapped me."

BABY: "Don't mind me. I'm just enjoying the view."

BABY: "My back was out. That's why I"m laying on the floor."

BABY: "Mommy is using her phone to look up the meaning of motherhood."

BABY: "What? Haven't you ever seen a baby perform yoga in an airport before?"

BABY: "Don't look at me like that. I don't need your goddamn pity!"

BABY: "Mom is trying to figure out the going rate for an infant on the Dark Web."

BABY: "I'll trade you my blankey for those cool sunglasses."

BABY: "Hey, baby. Got milk?"

BABY: "Mommy's on Tinder trying to figure out who's my daddy."

BABY: "Why are you looking at me as if I shit my pants?"

BABY: "Good thing I brought my libarary card because I'm totally checking you out."

BABY: "Don't worry. Mom is phoning the Child Protection Agency on herself."

BABY: "Haven't I seen you before? Yeah, I remember now. OnlyFans."

BABY: "Mommy sold my stroller so that she could fly Business Class."

BABY: "Go ahead and feel my diaper. It's made of boyfriend material. *wink*"

BABY: "You know what we have in common? We both aren't wearing panties."

Brand New Llama CAPTIONED!

"HELLO WORLD!"

The Stewie Griffin of llamas.

"What are you looking at, punk?"

"Check out my cashmere sweater."

"Haters gonna hate."

"When mom backs up my job is to bleat 'BEEP-BEEP-BEEP!'"

"Breathe, push...I said PUSH DAMMIT!"

"Beh-de, Beh-de, that's all folks!"

"When it comes to pooping on my head, mom doesn't give a crap."

This baby llama is causing drama for its mama.

"The cons of this situation: Mom farts - a LOT."

"Hee-hee-hee! Ma will never find me in here!"

Over time, the little llama was named Timmy the Living Tampon.

"Call me a hemorrhoid to my face, dirt bag!"

"Faster, mom! Dad is headed this way and he looks aroused!"

"HALP! Bitch won't shit me out!"

Gay LOL Cat CAPTIONED!

"Say ah haz bigger cahoonaz than Lance Armstrong. SAY IT!"

"Ah can haz bloe jawb?"

"Orange yoo glad too see mah banana?"

Sandusky the Cat requests a happy ending.

Uncomfortable kitty casting couch for TV show, Glee.

"Wen yur dun, yoo may eet da banana, Chaz Bono."

"Wut ah wownt dew fer cat nips."

"Ah sed yoo cood louk - not tuch - Neil Patrick Harris!"

"Unhand mah banana, Lance Bass."

 

"Be gentle Clay Aiken."

"Dis awlmowst maykss up fer being nootered."

"After yer finished, permishon too engage full thwusters, Captain Sulu." 

"Tank yoo fer gweessing meh up, Mr. Twavolta."

"Carefullz, Tom Cruise, yur neering dee Daynjer Zone."

"Nothing idle abowt yer handz, Ryan Seacrest."

Elton John covering the Michael Jackson song, Beat It.

The thankless job of a kitty porn fluffer.

A circle jerk courtesy of Anderson Cooper 360°.

Klan Baby CAPTIONED!

"These aren't the new plantation issue clothes I ordered."
 
"No, Officer, I'm not with the Klan. This is my outfit for Labor Day."

"I double dare you to say, to my face, that my mama dresses me funny!"

"If any of you guys are interested, there's a White Sale at Sears."

"Can one of you help me loosen this dunce cap?"

 

"Gimme five, mah nigga!"

"I need to borrow a match for my burning cross."

"Since when were monkeys allowed to carry guns?" 

"Officer Negro! Some Honky stole my soother!"

"How's it hang'n, Django?"

Meet Paula Deen's grand (wizard) child.

Fruity Dude CAPTIONED!

"There's a BUNCH more where this came from."

"Greetings. I am the tossed fruit salad you ordered."

"As a matter of fact, that IS a banana in my pocket."

All hail the new BANANA KING!

"Who's in the mood for a banana smoothie?"

"Do you find me appealing now?"

"Paint me like one of your Chiquita Banana girls."

"These bananas are fresh...from my loins."

Tarzan Dan: The Ape Man-Whore.

A failed Fruit of the Loom audition.

In prison this ex-con earned the name: Banana Rama.

A crude example of Chimpanzee porn.

New Born CAPTIONED!

  

"Ow. You're hurting me. CHILD ABUSE!!!"

 "Uhg. Your breath smells like expired Spaghettios."
 "STAHP!"

"Lady, I didn't need a closeup of your boogers!"

"Wanna see my Popeye impression?"

"If I had teeth, I'd nibble your nose off!"

"I said I was thirsty for milk - NOT affection!"

"Unhand me you degenerate bimbo!"

How the lead actor form Kick Ass met his future wife.

"Halp! Blondie thinks I taste like veal!"

Misbehaving Kitty Captioned!

Domestic cat abuse.

Mittens realizes too late that he won't enjoy the ending of this shadow puppet show.

"Kitty no like this interpretive dance!"

"I didn't pee in your cereal! It was the damn Pug!!"

"I beg of you! No more 'Sugar Smacks'!"

"Not the face!"



"OH NOES!!"

And then Mittens had 8 lives.

Cat refuses to stop singing Pat Benatar's, "Hit Me With Your Best Shot".

Kitty accidentally bumps into Casey Anthony.

Mittens reenacts a scene involving Rhianna and Chris Brown.

Pussy the Prostitute is about to be pimp-slapped.

Elmo CAPTIONED!

Elmo's favorite football position is quarterback.

"Elmo SO hooooorny!"
Fisher Price's latest toy offering is Inappropriate Elmo.

Elmo likes to stay in touch with his fans.

Your are witnessing a Sesame Street rape.
The crowd is not sure if they should call Big Bird, or 9-1-1.



Elmo giving back to his fans...AIDS.

Referring to his genitals, Elmo asks which of these things is not like the other?

Assistant coach, Elmo, screening eager college applicants.

Elmo helps out a desperate meth addict by giving him a hand...job.
Participants of an out of control "Tickle Me Elmo" contest.
The kids learn numbers when Elmo tells them to count his pelvic thrusts.

Baboon CAPTIONED!

"You're just jelly that my back-to-school clothes are more stylin than yours."

"No, let her go, mom. I'll take you BOTH on!"

"Later on, you guys in the mood for a little mother-daughter 3 way action?"

"Touch my cashmere sweater again and I will end you."

"So what if I reinvested her lunch money on crack cocaine venture?"
"You want a piece of me, bro? Step up!"



"Pet me again and my lawyers will slap your chubby cheeks with a restraining order!"
"That's right, little girl. Santa Clause is a LIE."

"I dare you to call me a 'chimp' again, ya stunted midget!"

"True story. The movie Rise of the Apes is a porn."
"I'll give your little girl my banana for that jacket. What?"

Diminutive Primate CAPTIONED!

"Surprise!"

"Is that a banana in my pants? Why, yes it is!"

"Don't mind me. I'm just deflowering this banana."

It appears this Ewok has been abusing its Viagra prescription.

The unconventional way to make a banana split.



"Who's in the mood for some banana cream pie?"

Monkey porn.

This monkey is happier than Ellen DeGeneres at a dildo convention.

Sex a peel.

New York Congressman Anthony Weiner Tweeted a photo of his monkey.

Major Mom CAPTIONED!

Some say that this mother is a tad bit overprotective.

Mama on the hunt for a new daddy.

Hooray! It's Bring Your Child to Work Day.

NOBODY bullies this mom's family.

On her way to attend a parent/teacher meeting.

This mean mama doesn't believe in spankings.



Today, mom goes commando.

Once again, dad completely forgot about Mother's Day.

This mom prefers gun magazines over fashion magazines.

Mommy packs heat while baby suckles her teat.

Out to collect some back child support.

Say hello to the Navy Seal who shot & killed Osama bin Laden.

Ignorant Baby CAPTIONED!

"Check out my spiffy rubber booties!"

"Look, Mommy, I'm recycling!"

"Daddy didn't feel like doing laundry today."

Meet Jezebel, the World's tiniest prostitute.

"Do these Jimmy Hats make my thighs look chubby?"




The new poster child for safe sex.

"Mom got my new galoshes from the Maury Povich show."

"Mama said I'm only here because daddy wouldn't wear these slippers."

This is what happens when your stylist is Paris Hilton.

A baby photo of Montana Fishborne.

Cat Customer CAPTIONED!

"One hot dog to go. No bun."

"This is a stickup! Hand over the cash or I'll claw your eyes out!"

"I'm here to pick up my order for 2 cases of Red Bull."

"Do you sell medicinal catnip?"



"I can has pack of filterless Marlboro and bottle of Jack?"

"Give me back my change, BITCH!"

"What do you mean I need a prescription for Oxycontin?"

"Trojan condoms, please. Extra LARGE."

Santa Clause CAPTIONED!

"Is this some sort of sick joke?"

"Ho-ho-ho! Who's laughing now, klutz?"

Out of nowhere, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer trampled lil' Suzie to death.

"What can I say? That tiny bitch got what she deserved."

"That little bastard better not leave blood stains on my new carpet."

"Despite what you think, Santa can't make the dead come back to life."



"Let me guess what this little girl wants for Christmas. A casket."

The stench of Aqua Velva and stale urine was too much for little Suzie.

"All she wanted for Christmas was her two front teeth...so I punched her in the mouth."

"Oh, great. First the dead hooker in my motel room and now THIS!"

"I'm sticking to my original story, officer. She fell off my lap."

"That mouthy little whore was asking for it, officer, and Santa delivered."

"Erection? What erection, officer?"

Critter Couple CAPTIONED!

"Found this unwanted stray. Can I keep it?"

Smokey the cat carried by her beloved Bandit.
"Honey, that drunken stork messed up again!"

Raccoon attempting to get his freak on.

"Oh, hai!"


Raccoon carries his new bride over the threshold.

Posing for the cover of an animal romance novel.

"I'm here to deliver a cat for somebody named 'Alf '."

Raccoon firefighter rescues kitten from burning litter box.

This raccoon likes the pussy.

Corpulent Couple CAPTIONED!

The press of bountiful flesh.

"Give us all your Dunk'n Donuts!"

SHE-MAN: "By the power of Grayskull!"

The human version of Shrek and Fiona.

"I shall use this sword to remove the huge tumor growing out of my armpit."

Jabba the Pizza Hut and Princess Layer Cake.



BEHOLD! It is the knight of cellulite!

The Sword in the Scone.

Don't mess with this fat ass badass.

Lord of the Onion Rings.

Finally, a butter knife worthy of fat folks.

Ice Cream Conan the Barbarian.

Ecstatic Baby CAPTIONED!

"Awesome sauce! My forged passport has arrived!"

A recent photo of Gummy Smith: One of the FBI's 10 Most Wanted.

"Hooray! Now I can go to Afghanistan!"

This happy tot just won a trip to North Korea.

U.S. authorities strip this tiny Russian spy of his passport.



"Check it out. THIS is how I posed for my passport picture."

"I just found Barack Obama's passport! Inside is his missing birth certificate!"

"I'm SO happy, I could crap myself!"

Baby's first O-Face.

"Arizona, here I come!"

Cat & Dog CAPTIONED!

"Ack! You're...hurting me!"

"I said swallow, bitch."

"Go ahead, bark. Bark as if your life depended on it."

"There's a price to pay for eating my Friskas...and it's severe."



"Call me Garfield one more time."

Domesticated pets reenact a scene from the movie, Road House.

"Last chance. Where did you hide my catnip stash?"

"As of now, being neutered is the least of your problems."

Odd Couple CAPTIONED!

This blond believes that he's the comic book store clerk from The Simpsons.

These 2 residents of Alabama are actually brother and sister.

Oh there's absolutely no question that he's blackmailing her.

Who knew The Biggest Loser contestants had groupies?

Who in this picture really hates themself more?



Which of these two either won a bet or lost a dare?

The technical advances for Live Dolls have come a long way.

Proof that any lonely nerd can get a Russian sex slave via Pay Pal.

Her nutritionist helps her keep looking fit just by walking next to him.

This nerd likes to volunteer his time to mislead blind blonds.

Easter Bunny CAPTIONED!

After a night of egg hiding, the Easter Bunny likes to relax by raping a dog.

Meet Thumper's cousin, Bumper.

"Guess where I'm hiding my Easter eggs, bitch!"

"After I'm done here, you shall lick the chocolate off my cotton balls."

With its eyes, the dog pleads for the photographer to call the Humane Society.



The Easter Bunny teaches his dog how to beg...for mercy!

The S.P.C.A. found out too late that the Easter Bunny is a registered sex offender.

"Heel. Kneel. Now SQUEAL!"

Beware of the hare that rides its bulldogs bare.

A rare photograph of Tori Spelling and the Easter Bunny posing together.