Wednesday, June 09, 2010

I've Seen SPLICE!

"See this hand? I will pimp slap you HARD with it!"

Splice is about the implications of humans playing God by tampering with nature. It stars Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, and Delphine Chaneac.

Speaking of God, this plot reminded me of the story of Adam and Eve. Where the woman coaxes the man to do something they're not supposed to, and later on they suffer the consequences of their actions when Adam is infected with the first ever case of herpes. In this particular instance, they defy the DNA code of ethics by combining human genes amongst other various animals.

The best acting came from Adrien Brody as he is able to sufficiently convey his emotional confliction with their volatile experiment. Delphine Chaneac was also very convincing as the almost mute mutant, Dren.

What I like about Splice is its willingness to tackle taboo subject matters, such as: Human cloning, what are the considerations for technical infidelity, bestiality, incest, and messing around with the building blocks of life. I would've loved to have attempted to carry an intellectual conversation on those hot button topics. It's just a shame that all my current friends display no interest at all to view this film. I say it is their loss, because I believe Splice is worth seeing at the theater for full price.

Delphine is a Frenchier, sexier, & more talented version of Courtney Cox.

Dren without her special effects makeup.

*sighs...then begins to drool rabidly*

NSFW pics of Delphine as Dren: Dren1 Dren2 Dren3


Tuesday, June 08, 2010

Is DeGeneres French for Shape Shifter?

"My initials are E & D, which can also stand for Erectile Dysfunction."
Above is an unmanipulated (by me) shot of Ellen DeGeneres modeling for the makeup company, Cover Girl. Have you seen those TV ads? The company is paying her a lot of money to look decent in their product, yet all involved felt compelled to up the contrast on her face to ridiculous levels in a failed attempt to mask the flaws their foundation makeup was unable to adequately hide.

She's not done yet. Some regard her as a comedian. What's more boring than listening to Bob Newhart's vacuous stand up routine? Listening to a female version of Bob Newhart bumble off lame punch lines.

Oh, there's more! Despite possessing no professional musical background and having the innate ability to dance like my inebriated uncle at public social events, she managed to land a lucrative job as a judge for finding musical talent on a show called American Idol. If you think about it, Paris Hilton, having released a mediocre music CD herself, is much more qualified for such a position.

On top of everything else Ellen is incompetent at, she has her own talk show. DeGeneres' representative deserves an Agent of the Decade award. As boxing promoter, Don King, always says, "Only in America."

I can't be the only one who thinks that an Ellen DeGeneres with her hair slicked back looks remarkably like Odo from Star Trek Deep Space 9.

"Let me be the first to welcome Ellen to my unprestigious club."

Hey Ellen, the mom from The Brady Bunch look is already taken by Florence Henderson.