Saturday, January 13, 2007

Spelling On Magazine Cover

Wow. That's a pretty dog.

And no, I'm not talking about Tori Spelling. I'm referring to the other bitch, Miss Mimi La Rue.

Is it me, or is Mimi La Rue a whole lot more photogenic than Tori?

And how sad is it when the dog owner requires more Photoshopping than the dog itself?

No, seriously. How pathetically messed up is that?

The day my pet outshines me in regards to physical beauty is the day I make a living contribution to the local animal shelter. Sorry Petey the Parrot, but that's just how I roll.


David Caruso Deserves An Emmy

David Caruso is an inspiration to everyone in Hollywood who is ugly and talentless.

If you find yourself to be in that category, and are tired of the incessant audition rejections, just remind yourself of the fact that David Caruso made it.

Maybe I'm stupid beyond belief, but I cannot distinguish between Caruso's character on NYPD Blue from the one he plays on CSI: Miami. Oh, who am I kidding? David is a one dimensional "actor" who gets paid a phenomenal amount of money to not act at all. Anyone can read cue cards in a monotone manner. If it didn't hurt so much for Caruso to laugh, he'd be doing it every time he went to the bank.

And David, having the camera constantly document the action of you putting on your tacky shades doesn't make you cool - just an over paid fool.


Friday, January 12, 2007

Paula Abdul is a Drunk

I hope this didn't take place on a morning show, because getting drunk before noon is an unsobering cry for help.

What Paula Abdul needs is a boyfriend. And when I say "boyfriend", what I really mean is a bartender. Now that is a match Lavalife would be envious of making.

What? That's not so bad. I can think of far worse fates, like getting legally hitched to a rhythmless backup dancer.


Harrison Ford Shoots Down $47 Million

Harrison Ford refused to reprise his role as Han Solo in a Star Wars spin off, despite being offered almost $50 million.

In related news, Chewbacca said that he would act in any movie for a large vat of extra moisturizing hair conditioner.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Beauty = Myth?

According to Photoshop, celebrities are not to be revered for their stunning good looks.

If such is the case, is there a point in placing them upon pedestals, giving them ludicrous amounts of money, and treating them like faithless demigods?

The unknown secret answer to that question is..." Oh hells no! "

Kelly Osbourne Wants to Punish Us All

No, not Boy George.

Are you a person that can never seem to get enough of Kelly Osbourne?

It just so happens that Ozzy's "little" girl has been quoted that she'd be willing to pose nude for Playboy.

If Kelly Osbourne ever comes to terms with Hugh Hefner, she will be featured in the Girls of Sea World issue.