Friday, August 28, 2009

WTF? This Isn't Cock Puncher

What makes Steven Segal think he can accomplish in a "reality" show that he wasn't able to deliver in 20 years of movie making? If you don't understand what I'm getting at, I'm talking about acting.

If I was a director, this is how I'd get Steven Segal to cry for a scene:

ME: "All I want you to do is to act like yourself! Is that asking too much?"

SEGAL: "I...I can't. *blubbery sobs* "

ME: "Perfect!! Are we getting this?"


Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I've Seen DISTRICT 9

The U.S.S. Oprah invading Africa.

District 9 is a film about how humans might respond to Earth's first contact with extra terrestrials. District 9's storyline is a combination of V, Starship Troopers, and White Man's Burden. The star of this movie is the special effects because no one else is anybody I've ever heard of. Despite that, kudos should additionally go to Sharlto Copley who is the main human character. Having next to no acting experience, Copley was able to cause me not to trust his character in the beginning to silently routing for him in the end. To top things off, Sharlto had no script to memorize because he ad-libbed ALL of his lines throughout the movie.

The CGI for this film is excellent and rivals that of any over budgeted Hollywood action movie. The crustacean looking aliens are superior to that of Industrial Light and Magic's Jar Jar Binx in every possible manner. After a while, I found myself forgetting that the aliens were not people in costumes, but completely computer generated.

The director, Neill Blomkamp, was all set to work on a Halo action feature based on the X Box video game, but the project was halted. The Lord of the Rings director, Peter Jackson, then approached Blomkamp and offered him to make any film he wanted to with a budget of $30 million. The result was District 9, which paid itself off in the first opening week of its release.

I firmly believe that this film is worth paying full price to see at the Imax theater. Also take note that this flick is not for the squeamish, for it has an abundance of alien gore. So go following dinner after ingesting healthy portions of poached eggs and sushi.