Friday, May 14, 2010


Other group name considerations were Jailbait Junction, Statutory Station & No Daddy No.

The Runaways is about two teens from the mid 1970's in a manufactured girl band of five. It stars Kristen Stewart as Joan Jett and Dakota Fanning as Cherie Currie.
The Runaways
should have opened with a narration by Morgan Freeman stating: "This motion picture is a celebration dedicated to Dakota Fanning's puberty party...and you're all invited." This flick is essentially about Ms. Fanning flaunting herself around in sexy, tight fitting outfits. The film even starts off showing premenstrual fluid dribbling down Dakota's bare leg. Like who needs to see that bloody crap? I'm surprised Ms. Fanning's co-star from New Moon, Robert Patterson, didn't make a cameo and immediately lap that shit up.

The Runaways didn't do Joan Jett any justice because Joan Jett is exponentially cooler than this movie. Despite both being over a half century of age, Joan could still out play Madonna on guitar while fighting off a rogue gang of rabid monkeys. Hell, when it comes to live performances Miley Cyrus probably couldn't keep up musically with Jett even if she was equipped with a computerized cow bell. Joan Jett is the epitome of powerfully raw, undiluted rock and roll, and I don't think there's anyone else she could hand that baton off to. Well, maybe Courtney Love, but just to righteously back hand her and beat her face back into a semblance of normalcy with the baton.
Instead of seeing this poorly told story, buy a Joan Jett's greatest hits album, because only Laurence Taylor, Jerry Lee Lewis, Gary Glitter, Wilmer Valderrama, and R. Kelly would waste their time to stand in line to see this pointless piece of cinema about horny, uninhibitedly wasted teenaged girls. If Steven Tyler and Ozzy Osbourne saw this show, they'd be constantly jumping up and shouting, "Light weights! Our adult diapers can hold more booze than you!" Tara Reid's underrated Josie and the Pussy Cats was far more edgier than this weak peek into the under aged world of concert touring.