Saturday, July 14, 2007

Jane Velez-Mitchell


Ahh, sweet, lovely Jane.

Ms. Jane Velez-Mitchell is the replacement host for the Headline News show that stars, the often angry, Nancy Grace (Did it just suddenly get cold in here at the mention of that name? Br-r-r-r-r!).

I prefer watching Velez-Mitchell as opposed to the overbearing, needlessly opinionated, constantly interrupting Nancy Grace, and I'll tell you why. Not only is this 51-year-old extremely easy on the eyes, but Ms. Velez-Mitchell comes across as unbiased on touchy subject matters. It shows me that she's a professional at what she does and allows for me to arrive at my own conclusions. I, for one, am appreciative that. Nancy shoves her unfounded opinions down her viewers' throat like it was candy soaked in urine - ultimately, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Also, Ms. Velez-Mitchell's commanding, attention-holding voice resonates a deep, subtle sexiness to it. In other words, to put Jane's lovely vocal chords into perspective, she's the female equivalent to Tom Brokaw (former NBC news anchorman) . In my opinion, Jane Velez-Mitchell is the Frank Sinatra of anchorwomen, and one of the few people in broadcasting that could make the word "poop" sound respectable.

If I were amongst the powers that be at CNN, I'd drop Nancy Grace as fast as Britney Spears would a baby. Nancy is nothing more than an idiot magnet for Headline News. I'd be willing to bet a hefty sum that the majority of Grace's target demographic have IQ's of 75 or less. I hear that bitch is pregnant with twin pups, so my entertainment will come when I bear witness to how much Nancy physically balloons. With the camera adding an extra 10 pounds, it should be rather interesting. I expect to eventually see an albino version of Rasputia from the movie, Norbit.



So, to reiterate, get rid of Nancy Grace and welcome Jane Velez-Mitchell with open arms. The worst that could happen by doing so would be to accumulate some credibility.

Whenever Nancy Grace uses her over exaggerated Southern drawl, it makes me want to refer to her as Nancy the Cable Broad.


GIT 'R DONE!

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Nancy Grace Loses Face



Speaking of "face", what's the deal on Grace's eyebrows? Did Nancy ask her esthetician to give her a "Perpetual Pissed Off At The Entire World" look? Grace's brows appear to be in a constant state of seething rage. Nancy's style must have been inspired by this character:








OR







If Nancy Grace was such a respected prosecutor (I'm speculating), why hasn't she ever been offered a judge position where she could be really making a positive difference in this world? Your Honor, the following evidence is exactly why:


The Supreme Court of Georgia has commented on Grace twice. First, in a 1994 heroin trafficking case, Bell v. State, the Court said that she "exceeded the wide latitude of closing argument" by drawing comparisons to unrelated murder and rape cases, and declared a mistrial.

In 1997, the court was more severe. Although its decision overturning the murder-arson conviction of businessman Wayne Weldon Carr in the death of his wife was caused primarily by other issues, the court made note of Grace's court actions, citing "inappropriate and illegal conduct in the course of the trial." Her opening statement in the case promised the jury evidence of physical abuse that she had to know would never be admissible because that entire aspect of the case had already been excluded by the judge.

Subpoenas that contained hearing dates Grace knew to be false.
Failure to disclose a full witness list to the defense in a timely fashion.
Showing a chart during closing that falsely stated a defense expert had not contradicted the state's case on a key issue. Also, during closing argument, "vouching" for the case by telling the jury she herself believed Carr to be guilty. And finally, performing two illegal searches of Carr's house, including one during which she was accompanied by a CNN camera crew.

While the court said its reversal was not due to these transgressions, since the case had turned primarily on circumstantial evidence, it nevertheless concluded "the conduct of the prosecuting attorney in this case demonstrated her disregard of the notions of due process and fairness, and was INEXCUSABLE."






I can't say that I'm a fan of Jon Stewart, but I have to admit that he just brilliantly ripped Nancy Grace's credibility asunder! The ending shows us how Grace typically handles herself while under fire. I don't think Nancy Grace is a vegetarian because she sure likes to eat crow.

This legally blond dolt wrote a book called Objection! And here's the book's entire title: How High-Priced Defense Attorneys, Celebrity Defendants, and a 24/7 Media Have Hijacked Our Criminal Justice System .

All I can say is that I presume the justice system is now better off with Nancy Grace hawking bunk literature and flapping her gums on TV shows instead of practicing law and regurgitating chewing tobacco. And speaking of her book, there is this to consider before wasting your precious time and hard earned money reading it:

According to an article first published by the New York Daily News during September 2006, Grace plagiarized 359 words spread across pages 204 and 205 in the book, lifted without indication from a 5 August 2002 article in the New York Times written by Sabra Chartrand. Hyperion, the book's publisher, accepted Grace's claim that the plagiarism was an "inadvertent error" but insisted that Grace send a letter to The Times to promise that the content would be corrected in future printings. Hyperion explained that under contract, Grace must hold the publisher harmless in the event that The Times would file a lawsuit against her.


After all of this, her bio indicates that she possesses a Master's degree in constitutional and criminal law.

Un-be-fucking-lievable!!!

I'm going to pull a "Nancy Grace" and jump to the more than plausible conclusion that she slept her entire way into passing law school and the bar exam.



Elizabeth Smart handled herself with the utmost of class regarding Grace's rehearsed and insincere empathy. The creepy, tactless approach in Grace's line of questioning made my very soul cringe with incredulous disgust. I find Nancy to be nothing short of being a total disgrace to the respectable field of investigative journalism.

To ensure that her unborn children do not end up as the criminals Grace once used to prosecute, it would be in the public's best interest to retire Nancy and force her to become a stay at home mom, so that Grace can feed her babies her specialty:









On Nancy Grace's BEST day, she's not half as smart as Judge Judy is on her WORST day.




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