Friday, July 31, 2009

Whore Sing Around

Say hello to "Sugar Daddy".

This 50-year-old black stallion, who goes by the name of Rodell Vereen, was arrested for having sexual relations with a 21-year-old female named Sugar. Just to be clear, Sugar is a horse, not the street name for an overweight prostitute that possesses a penchant for pies and has type 2 diabetes. Nor is it a lady of advanced years that bears a striking resemblance to Sarah Jessica Parker. I mean Vereen bumped uglies with a genuine four-legged farm animal, while William Tell Overture was playing in the background as mood music.

Sugar's caretaker, Barbara Kenley, suspected something wasn't right about her prized equine, so she set up surveillance cameras to see if something would turn up that would explain why Sugar was suddenly acquiring gynecological infections. Sure enough, it did. It caught a man raping her horse. But the video she showed police was too grainy to properly identify the perpetrator, so no arrests could be made. Then one day Kenley randomly checked up on Sugar and found someone else's car parked outside the stables. This time she found Vereen and held him at gunpoint and notified the authorities.

When officers questioned Rodell, he admitted that he had been horsing around with Sugar, as any horny wannabe centaur would. It also turns out that the Flicka fornicator was already on probation for a 2007 incident involving the EXACT SAME HORSE.

This just proves, once again, that it doesn't always pay to ride a filly bareback. Rodell might have gotten away with the perfect crime had he taken the time to put on a Trojan horse condom.

"He kept referring to me as his 'Little Baloney Pony'."


Thursday, July 30, 2009

Sham Wow Resemblence

"Heh. Heh-heh. Shlomi's holding a used moose Maxi pad."

I wonder if the hooker-punching Sham Wow guy, Vince Shlomi, was the inspiration for the creation of Beavis?