Saturday, April 14, 2007

Thank God

Have you ever properly thanked God for that brutal raping you received?

It's a new religion (scam) that's sweeping the Nation.

Now I have a good defense for my court hearing next week: "Your Honor, all those girls in that "Thank God I..." program that I unselfishly passed my herpes on to are very thankful for it. Be my guest and ask them for yourself. I rest my case. In addition, I would like to take this opportunity to thank God for the 'Thank God I...' movement."

Imus, too, must be thanking God right about now.

"Thank God I listen to Fiddy Cent music and was fired for being a misogynistic racist."


Mom of the Year

This mother continues to breast feed her nearly 8-year-old child.

For the girls' sake, I hope they are home schooled. Otherwise, you can soon expect to see these girls getting involved on the painful end of a series of "Booby Sucking Beat Down" videos on YouTube.

I would only find this behavior acceptable if I was adopted by Scarlett Johansson.

" *sucks thumb* Ma-ma!"


Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Best Campaign Ad Ever!

Hillary, can't buy this kind of free publicity.

I was going to vote for Barack Obama, but I recently heard that George Clooney was hinting at backing him. So, now I am at a loss as to whom I should throw my support to.

Should I vote for Hillary Clinton?

I've talked to a New York resident (Hillary's constituent) who believes Mrs. Clinton has done nothing for New York, but to use her adopted "home" State as a political platform to promote her own presidential aspirations.

"THIS was the exact look on my face when I walked in on Bill & Monica doing the nasty."

If there was an independant alternative to the candidates currently running, I'd most likely vote for him or her (or it?) .

I'd vote for Judge Judy if she were running. Mrs. Sheindlin has that sagacious, stern grandmotherly quality about her that America seems to be in desperate need for.

"Bin Laden won't be able to outrun my foot from going up his boney ass."