Saturday, June 13, 2009

Cookie Monster CAPTIONED!

The Cookie Gangster.

Being a postal worker has taken its toll on the Cookie Monster.

The Cookie Monster has recently become a popcorn butter junkie.

Gang kids are told to pay their debts or the Cookie Monster will put a cap in their ass.

"OH MY GOD! This messed up Muppet means business!"

Cookie Monster is not taking his diabetes diagnoses very well.

"No more "Cookie Monster". Me now Crook-e Monster!"

It's best not to run out of Oreos when the Cookie Monster comes to visit.

PBS now stands for: Point Blank Shot.

Just before killing his victims, Cookie reveals he's the one who shot 50 Cent.

Instead of real bullets, Cookie Monster's gun fires chocolate chips.

Cookie completing his gang initiation to obtain his Sesame Street cred.


Friday, June 12, 2009

Chastity Bono Wants Change

What dyke wouldn't want a big slice of that?

No, not her diaper and not the kind people hand or throw at you when you're in front of the liquor store singing Jonas Brothers songs out of tune on your bucket drum. Cher's, uhm, daughter wants a sex change. Just to clarify, from female to male. If I didn't know any better, I'd think that Chastity and Cher were in competition for who can have the most extensive, outrageous cosmetic surgery. Hard to top a sex change. Looks like Cher has her work literally cut out for her.

Why does Chastity want a sex change, you ask? I guess she's bored of her androgyny. I also suspect it's because she wants to score with more chicks, since obese males are generally more socially acceptable. And let's not beat around the bush (*giggles*), most hot lesbians probably consider Chastity to be rather homely.

Sadly, soon we won't be able to call her Chastity anymore because it has the word "titty" in it. After the operation is completed she can choose a more appropriate name such as Sonny Bono Jr., or Charlie Boner.

I'd be willing to bet that this whole "transformation" will become a gruesome reality show that will save lives. I say that because someone who might be suicidal (due to there being no more quality TV programming) will be randomly channel surfing and come across the scene where Chastity's breasts are being surgically lopped off. This will cause the depressed individual to vomit all the overdosed prescription drugs they had just ingested. Such a documentary would be more uplifting than a marathon showing of A&E's Intervention. Also, be on the lookout for Chastity's cameo in this summer's blockbuster, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Vagina.

After all this is done and finished with, let's hook Chastity up with The Matrix creator, Larry/Lana Wachowski. Ooo, and what if it were possible for those two to breed? What would their offspring look like, and what would they name it? Emphasis on the "it".

Hey, look! It's Cher's future grandson, Speed Eater.