Thursday, May 24, 2007

Rosie vs Elizabeth

I get the feeling that Rosie O'Donnell would jump Mrs. Hasselback's bones, in a split second, if Elizabeth wasn't a Republican. The above video displays the palpable sexual tension between the two.

The emotional maturity of Rosie seems to be less than that of her youngest adopted toddler.

Rosie said in her blog that she wasn't going to appear for the next taping of the show because it was her girlfriend's 40th birthday.

Leave it to O'Donnell to declare it a holliday whenever cake is being served.

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Oprah's Dad Tells All

Oprah's father, Vernon Winfrey, is writing a book about Oprah supposedly titled "Things Unspoken".

And the kicker is that Vernon was doing his best to keep it a secret from his billionaire daughter.

Vernon better watch out what he says in that book because Oprah can have him killed and have it made to look like an accident - even if the coroners found Vernon's death to be a result of a freak lightning strike. As sure as Paris Hilton's visit in jail will result in a nasty collection of more venereal diseases, you can be certain that Oprah would have had a say in where that bolt of deadly plasma struck.

Instead of the bronze bust of her dad being on Ms. Winfrey's desk, Vernon could find his real life head hanging on a wall, like a hunting trophy, in Oprah's office. It would be a powerful message to others that were thinking of betraying Oprah's trust. You best be watching your back, Gail.

This literary achievement should be a shoe-in to make it onto Oprah's book club list of recommendation.


Jerry Falwell Kicks the Bucket

The hate mongering preacher, Gerry Falwell, died of a massive heart attack in his office. He was 73.

CNN's Christiane Amanpour interviewed Mr. Falwell one week before his death and he said that he was praying for at least 20 more years of life to be able to complete his unfinished work.

GOD: "Request denied."

Chances are good that Gerry's now falling well into Hell. Rest in peace, tubby.

Britney Spears Gives Birth

Britney just can't seem to keep her legs closed, but this time she has a very good excuse.

The crazy bitch had to part them once again in order to give birth to a puppy.
The young canine was born in the exact same vehicle it was conceived in, weighing in at a healthy 2lbs 3oz.
Just look at Spears' stoic expression. Nobody can deny that she's become an accomplished pro at producing useless mammals.
Britney has yet to name her latest brood. I'm going to suggest Coochie or Cooter. Or why not a more traditional moniker, like Snoopy?