Saturday, February 17, 2007

Bald Britney


"Nothing compares to you. Noth-thing compares to my new hairdo!"


Let's speculate on why Britney Spears cut her hair, shall we:

1) Ms. Spears is going through a Sinead O'Connor phase.

2) The chemotherapy look is back.

3) Britney wanted to emulate the look of her babies.

4) Britney wanted to dispel rumors, once and for all, that she's not a natural blonde.

5) Ms. Spears is reinventing her stage persona by becoming a nig*er hate'n Skin Head.

6) Britney has been hired to be the new spokesperson for Mr. Clean.

7) On a dare, Britney let Kevin Federline to cut her hair.

8) While at the salon, Ms. Spears was possessed by the ghost of Telly Savalas.

9) Desperate to revive her music career, Britney has become the new lead singer of R.E.M.

10) Ms. Spears wanted her carpet to match her drapes.


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Friday, February 16, 2007

UFC: Ultimate Fighting Comedians



Joe Rogan had finished his comedy bit and, just before he took his exit, introduced the next performer (who happened to be Mencia's employee) as "Menstealia's" apprentice. Minutes later, upon getting wind of Joe's comment, an irate Mencia grabbed the microphone away from his lackey to blurt that Rogan was too much of a "pussy" to come up on stage and repeat what he had just said to his face. Joe turned around and got up on the very same stage and confronted "Carlos" on his nasty habit of blatantly stealing other artists' jokes as if they were his own. This altercation was captured on video and then released to the internet (as seen below) .

Carlos Mencia's birth name was Ned Holness. Part of his shtick is that he plays like he's a true blue Mexican. That lie is bigger than Carlos' pudgy waist line (at least Larry the Cable Guy openly admits that he "turns on" his Southern accent for perfromances). His dad is German and his mom is Honduran. Ned is the second youngest person in his family out of 18 children. His parents had so many damn kids that they couldn't afford to look after them all, so his folks gave their least favorite kid (hence why he was named "Ned") away to a family member who wasn't able to have any children of their own. Ned's dad was apparently too stupid, or cheap, to buy prophylactics. Hmm, what is more expensive? Raising a kid...or buying a box a condoms? Hmm...

Because "Carlos" Mencia gets rich off of his peers material, Ned got his flat, pimply, pock-marked ass handed to him by a genuine comedian, Joe Rogan, while "performing" live on stage.
Carlos Mencia's 1st comedy album was titled "Take a Joke, America". The irony is that Carlos did take jokes. He publically pilfered jokes from other American comedians.

For putting the below video onto the internet, Joe Rogan is now "banned" from performing at any Comedy Store night club. For WHAT?!?!? Telling the truth? Rogan backs up his claims. Mencia couldn't even properly defend himself other than calling Joe a "whiny little bitch" numerous times. Way to preserve your integrity "Carlos". Did you steal that "comeback" from school children you overheard on the playground? (NED: "Oooo. That's gold! *scribbles phrase into his Plagiarism for Dummies book* ") Because it sure doesn't sound very original. Sorry, Ned, how rude of me. "Original" means that you created that benign retort by yourself. Still not sinking in? Color me unsurprised.
The following is an old quote from Joe Rogan:

"The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own. Stand-up comedy is supposed to be "Here's the world through my eyes." It's supposed to be your observations, your thoughts and views on life. When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago."





Even when Mencia's chubby cheeks were becoming bright red from being continually slapped across the face with fact after fact of his plagiarizing ways, he still had the desperate audacity to flat out deny the truthful accusations.

The biggest comedy bit Carlos "Don't Call Me Ned" Mencia ever came up with was his life story. What a sad, pathetic joke indeed.

Go back to being an electrician, Ned. Maybe a delusional fraud, such as yourself, can shock himself back into reality.

I hope the next financially strapped comic that is forced to open for "Carlos" uses Mencia's plagiarism riddled routine. I would be very interested in seeing how much Ned Holness likes it.

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