Saturday, January 26, 2008

Corpulent Captioning

Gold medalist for the Obese Olympics. The runner ups died of cardiac arrest.

A pensive Rosie O'Donnell contemplating suicide.

"That's odd. I can't see my penis."

Redneck outhouse. 3 is for diarrhea.

Star Jones before she went into rehab for food addiction.

Queen Latifah is sad about her firing as a Victoria's Secret model.

American Idol winner, Ruben Studdard, was the winning contestant on The Biggest Loser.

Since becoming pregnant, Jennifer Lopez has really let herself go.


Cowpoke Caption

These lesbian students are learning how to properly fist a fat cow.

Jamie-Lynn Spears was told by her producer and Lily Allen that you couldn't get pregnant this way.

You can always be sure that a McDonalds "beef patty" is made from the freshest ingredients.

Jessica Biel searching for her beloved hamster.

It takes two gynecologists to give Rosie O'Donnell a propper pap smear.

Jessica Simpson tricked her sister, Ashley, into thinking that her Grammy Award was inside this heifer.

How a Britney Spears CD is made.

"And the winner is..."

These girls are udderly gorgeous.

Jessica Simpson’s ad for “Got Chocolate Milk?”.

Blind girls playing pin the tail on the donkey.

Burger King has gone self serve.

A cut love scene from the Blood Rayne film involving Kristana Loken and Roseanne Barr.

These blonds thought this cow was a meat puppet.

The masseuse that fatally massaged Heath Leger’s prostate.

The French word for cow rapes is: crêpes.

Because of actress Diane Lane’s advanced age, she's now offered all the shit roles.

Tired of lip syncing, Ashley Simpson tries her hand at ventriloquism.


Thursday, January 24, 2008

30 Is Old for an Actor

First Brad Renfro dies, and now Heath Ledger.

Two balding actors, both in their twenties, die within weeks of each other. Coincidence?

I think not!

I believe there is a serial killer on the loose, and I'm not talking O.J. Simpson.

I can't say for sure which actor will be pushing up daisies next, but I will tell you that if I was Frankie Muniz (and thank god I'm not), I'd permanently postpone on purchasing a farm.

"What do you mean the 'toilet brush' look isn't in?"



Rosie O'Donnell before makeup.

As I've heard others describe this movie, the premise is a cross between the films Godzilla and The Blair Witch Project.

The first thing the ticket counter girl asked me was whether I get motion sickness. At that question, I was wondering if the movie was so god awful that I required a barf bag? She asked because of the amateurish style in which the movie was directed. It's filmed entirely from the perspective of a Manhattanite in his twenties, with a camcorder that NEVER has the image stabilization feature turned on! It was as if Mohammad Ali and Michael J. Fox were taking turns holding the camera.

Like Venom in Spiderman 3, you only get to view the chaos creating sea monster for about 30 seconds in total. The flick is 84 minutes in length. Would it be too much to ask if you got to the star of the movie for more than half a minute? I saw more of the sea creature in the cheap Korean movie The Host than I did in Hollywood's Cloverfield.

I didn't even understand the ending. Did the briny beast die or go back into the ocean? The film fails to elaborate. I guess the ending was made for me to draw my own conclusions. Very well then. The movie isn't worth watching for full price...unless you wish to waste the gift certificate you got for Christmas.