Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I've Seen WANTED

Angelina is welcome to cock my gun anytime.

There are very few women in Hollywood who can respectably carry their own, and then some, in an action movie. The only ones worthy of mentioning are (in ascending order of performance significance): Milla Jovovich, Angelina Jolie, and Sigourney Weaver.

That's it.

I consider Angelina Jolie the Clint Eastwood of actresses. They are both acting icons, have won Oscars, and are prolific baby makers (although, as of today, Jolie will have to have triplets to catch up to Clint).

Wanted is a film about an accountant whose pathetically uneventful life is turned upside down when he is involuntarily recruited by an assassination group called The Fraternity. Jolie trains the accountant to assassinate a rogue agent that is killing off members of The Fraternity one by one. I'd describe Wanted as a sexier version of the movie, Shoot 'Em Up.

One of the most disappointing aspects of Wanted was the soundtrack. The music didn't compliment or enhance any of the action whatsoever. Perhaps that's a result of the lackluster state of the music industry itself. I my opinion, Wanted is worth paying full price for at the theater and buying on DVD.


Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Hillary Clinton CAPTIONED

"Heads up secret service. I don't like the way this little girl is looking at me."

"As the 'second' Black President of the United States of America, I will..."

"I vividly recall the time I advised the great Martin Luther King to wear a helmet."

"You ain't no Barak Obama, 'sista friend'."

"You think empty promises are hilarious, Hillary? You see me laughing?"

"Universal health care? Bitch, please."

"Call me 'girlfriend' again, an I'll wipe dat fake smile off yo pasty face wit da back o' my hand."

"Mrs. C., remember that $5 check you gave me to sit beside you? It bounced."

"Mrs. Clinton, your husband, Bill, is staring at my nonexistent breasts again."


Monday, July 07, 2008

Nicole Kidman Now Has a Womb Kid

"Anything Tom can do I can do better. Oscars, babies - you name it!"

Congratulations are in order for Nicole Kidman. She's finally given birth to a brand new baby daughter, named Sunday Rose.

Word is that her husband, Keith Urban, will not be allowed to change Sunday's nappy for fear of fantasizing about his cocaine days when applying the baby powder.

"Let's celebrate! You get the champagne, and I'll see to the nose candy!"