Monday, November 12, 2012


 ELMO: "Elmo is a homo!"

Kevin Clash is a physically imposing African American man who provides the high pitched voice for the Sesame Street character Elmo.

A 23-year-old man is now accusing Clash of participating in a physical relationship with him when he was just 16.  Legally speaking, that would mean that Elmo committed statutory rape.

Sesame Street recently disciplined Kevin Clash for violating company policy involving internet usage at the workplace.  I can only speculate that meant Clash was crashing Sesame Street computer servers by downloading virus riddled gay porn.  I now have serious doubts that Sesame Street will look upon these most recent allegations fondly.  And I apologize for using the word "fondly", for it sounds too much like "fondle", which is what got Elmo into trouble in the first place.

Despite being the father of a grown up daughter, this incident has forced Kevin Clash to declare that he is gay.  That being said, I'll never be able to watch the video " Bedtime with Elmo" quite the same way ever again.  He says it was no secret, but I'm sure such news would have been quite noteworthy had he mentioned it at all in his autobiography, My Life as a Furry Red Monster, and Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey.  Nowhere in the aforementioned titles does it mention that sticking his hand up Elmo's ass was a metaphor for his take on life. 

Activating Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls just got more awkward, and so much for thinking that Ernie and Bert would be first to come out of the closet.

"Elmo gonna Clash dat ass!"