Saturday, September 12, 2009

Barack Obama CAPTIONED!

"What's this contraption? Is it Stevie Wonder's walking stick?"

"I may have lost the part of Star Wars' Mace Windu, but I still got to keep THIS!"

"Say hello to my new tool for Middle East peace negotiating."

"I shall employ THIS to make cuts in our budget deficit."

"In high school I played D'Artagnan, the dark chocolate Musketeer."

"Back in my fencing days, they used to call me Obama Wan Kanobe."

"My health care reform will require all doctors to use THIS instead of scalpels."

"Want a piece of me now, Senator Joe Wilson?"

"Quickly, everyone behind me! Secretary of State Hillary Clinton approaches."

"...and that's how I slayed Jabba Da Hut, also known as Rush Limbaugh."

UFC 115: Barack Obama vs. Osama Bin Laden. Only on pay per view!


Thursday, September 10, 2009

Nicole Ritchie's Latest Baby Drops

"My new son is so cute, I could just eat him up. *burp*"

Nicole has finally given birth a to gingerbread cookie, named Sparrow.


Wednesday, September 09, 2009


"Son, does this mustache make me look like Freddie Mercury?"

Inglorious Basterds is about a group of psycho American Jews recruited by the U.S. army to wreak havoc upon the German Nazis occupying France during World War II. It stars Brad Pitt, Christoph Waltz, and the absolutely lovely looking Melanie Laurent.

The "Bear Jew" was a big let down to the story line's hype. To me, the most interesting Basterd character was Til Schweiger's Sgt. Hugo Stiglitz. He became my favorite Basterd, yet his appearances were brief, at best, and Stiglitz's character development seemed unfinished. I'm not certain whether Brad Pitt's southern United States drawl for Lt. Aldo Raine was entirely authentic or extremely exaggerated, but I have to admit that Pitt's timing on his lines allowed for him to deliver some slightly comedic moments. The most fascinating characters were Christoph Waltz's Col. Lans "Jew Hunter" Handa and Melanie Laurent's Shosanna Dreyfus. You almost didn't need Brad Pitt or the Basterds in this film, because you nearly had a completely absorbing movie with just the aforementioned characters. I thoroughly enjoyed the calm, chilling tension Waltz allowed Handa to evoke whenever questioning suspects in his investigations. Christoph had the most powerful performance in the film, and perhaps the most memorable one I've seen so far this year.

Despite the length of this film, I couldn't help but feel that there was still a lot of scenes cut out of the movie just to allow theater goers to endure over 2 ½ hours of viewing. Although I do not consider this to be Tarantino's best work, Inglourious Basterds is definitely worth cinematic viewing on Cheap Tuesdays and is unquestioningly worth watching again on DVD when the extended director's cut is released.


Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Hello Kitty CAPTIONED!

Hello Kitty is arrested for counterfeiting Monopoly money.

Hello Kitty's days of running puppy mills have come to an abrupt end.

Once again, Hello Kitty is being charged with prostitution.

The fashion police finally catch up with Ms. Kitty.

Refusing to talk to cops, Hello removes and throws away her mouth.

Kitty makes the crucial mistake of bribing cops with day old donuts.

Hello is busted for exposing her "Kitty".

Kitty's defense is that she has a sickness called "Cat Flash Fever".


Monday, September 07, 2009


Another 7 years bad luck for Ugly Betty.

The Final Destination is the fourth installment of this cinematic series. It's about a group of people avoiding a fatal catastrophe when someone has a premonition about a disaster that's about to happen. It stars a bunch of nobodies.

The Final Destination is not better than the original. If it wasn't for the impressive 3D effect and the nude scene I would have recommended this film go straight to video, because all the deaths failed to show anything awe inspiring or creatively innovative. If your theater isn't showing this movie in 3D, skip it to rent it.