Friday, December 07, 2007

Manilow is an Odd Looking Fellow

In an effort to create the illusion of aging well, Barry Manilow appears to have had additional hair plugs installed, a face lift, Botox injections, and laser surgery to burn away those unseemly wrinkles. Now Barry Looks like a more effeminate version of my friend's grandma.

If Hillary Clinton ever went under the knife, she'd probably say: "I want to look like Barry Manilow, but with less saggier boobs."

If Elton John was writing a song about Barry's face, it might go something like this: "Barry Manilow's face looks like a candle melting in the wind..."

It's common knowledge that Odo, by far, has the better singing voice.


Thursday, December 06, 2007

Kiefer Sutherland Does Jail Time

Jack Bauer can't save Kiefer Sutherland now, since a judge has sentenced him to 48 days in jail for his most recent DUI offense. Based on other recent celebrity convictions, I'm curious to see if Sutherland will be out in 24.

Kiefer is to serve his time in a minimum security facility in a cell that measures 8 feet by 10 feet. To put that into perspective, it's slightly smaller than his liquor cabinet at home.

Kiefer will also have to perform chores such as food preparation (H?) and washing the skid marks out of his fellow felon's underwear.

Kiefer's stint in the pokey will be a working one, since he has agreed to guest star on another series called Prison Break and to star (punch?) in a remake of the HBO classic, Oz .
"Hungh!"Cue the bongo drums.

Kiefer preparing for his prison stint.


Sunday, December 02, 2007

Jay Leno's Empty Promises

A couple days after the Writer's Guild went on strike, Jay Leno assured 80 of his non-writing staff that they would not have to worry for a second about their financial situation. Jay even went as far as to say, "I can't get into details, but nobody will miss a car payment or lose their house. We're family. Trust me. I'm going to take care of this." Because of Leno's assurances, many of the non-writing staff members felt safe enough to not bother to look for other work. Leno then very publicly drove amongst the striking writers, and handed out junk food to all the picketers, to show his support for their cause.

Now NBC has informed those same support staffers that they're being laid off and are not making any promises that all or any of them will be rehired once the writer's dispute has been resolved.

David Letterman made the decision to cover his non-writing staff's wages from day one, out of his own pocket. As he has done before, Conan O'Brien has followed in Letterman's footsteps, and agreed to do the very same for his non-striking workers.

Many, if not most, of the picketers make a six figure salary, yet Jay Leno felt the need to buy them food. Leno's non-writing staff are lucky to make a tenth of what top writers make and Jay fed them nothing but lies.

"Thank you all for this strike! I now have more time to work on my exotic car collection."