Friday, January 23, 2009


Defiance is a tale based on true events that stars the latest James Bond, and Sabretooth from the upcoming film, X-Men Origins: Wolverine. The story is like the television show Survivor, but with Jews instead of spoiled, over privileged Westerners. And instead of winning a million dollars for living in the wild for 6 weeks, these Hebrews toughed it out for over 2 years in a Russian forest during World War II, with the only reward being allowed to live.

Alexa Davalos + A More Vital Role in Film = Better Movie

Defiance is not worth paying full price to see at the theater for, unless you have the rare opportunity to watch it while sitting beside Mel Gibson. Nonetheless, it is a very worthwhile video rental.


Thursday, January 22, 2009

Jocelyn Wildenstein CAPTIONED!

"My entire face is numb. Is my fork close to my mouth?"

"Call 9-1-1! I've got lock-jaw!"

During lunch, Jocelyn reads fan mail from Joan rivers.

Jocelyn is comfortable about her decision not to appear on the cover of Fangoria.

Jocelyn's lunch guest has to think of his happy place in order to keep his food down.

Jocelyn has to eat outside because dogs are not permitted inside the restaurant.

A poster of Jocelyn's face serves as an aid to help bulimics purge their food.

Ms. Wildenstein contemplating on what other improvements she could make to her flawless visage.

Upon seeing her own reflection off of the back of a shiny spoon, Ms. Wildenstein suddenly loses her appetite.


Wednesday, January 21, 2009


Looks like a job for Colonel Puffy-Pants!

Valkyrie is about Nazi Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg's botched assassination attempt to rid the world of Adolph Hitler.

I interpreted this film as an expensive metaphor to describe Tom Cruise's Hollywood career, so I won't ruin the prophetic ending.

Valkyrie is not worth paying $10 to see at a theater, but it is worth your time if you rent this on DVD.