Thursday, November 05, 2009


In Iraq searching for the ever elusive Moon Pie.

The Hurt Locker never made it to my city, so it took a cross country flight on a plane for me to be able to view this film. It's about a member of the U.S. army whose job it is to defuse improvised explosive devices in war torn Iraq. It stars nobody all that recognizable.

The Hurt Locker is directed by Katheryn Bigelow. She is the ex-wife of Avatar director James Cameron. Not only is Kathryn a good director, but at 57 years old she's still damn good looking! And to her credit, looks to be mostly naturally beautiful. Leaning towards dropping this project, it was James Cameron's insistent coaxing that convinced Ms. Bigelow to eventually take on this film. Originally, The Hurt Locker was to star Colin Farrell, Wilem Dafoe, and Charlize Theron.

This movie was intense and riveting all thanks to the great directing, believable acting, and the appropriate casting. This flick is worth seeing at full price at an Imax theater, but the chances of it being shown on a basic silver screen is extremely remote. Get it? Remotes are sometimes used to set off I.E.D.'s . Was that sorry attempt at a joke in bad taste? Well, that's too bad because I don't know of any other flavor.


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Nicholas Cage on the Rocks?

"This Christmas I'm going to mug Salvation Army volunteers."

There are reports being made that Nicholas Cage is financially ruined and owes the U.S. government over $6 million in unpaid taxes. During his entire film career Nicholas could very well have earned in excess of one hundred million dollars. How did Mr. Cage go broke? Hair plugs? A nasty bout of Rogaine addiction? I'm guessing no to both.

For extra cash the Ghost Rider star should cast himself in a Harry Potter movie. His character name would be Nickeless Mage, a wizard that carelessly cast a Bernie Madoff spell upon himself.


Monday, November 02, 2009


Patiently awaiting Paris Hilton to complete their threesome.

Paranormal Activity is about a woman who has an unknown entity that follows and makes its presence known to her from time to time. Her boyfriend wants to document the occurrences caused by this phenomenon before enlisting the help of a priest to exercise her or a fireman to assist him in burning her at the stake. It stars nobody previously famous. It was filmed in the director's real life house for $15,000US. It has since grossed over $85 million in North America alone. The story was supposedly inspired by a box of laundry detergent that mysteriously fell off a secure shelf. Yee-ahh.

This film starts off interesting and somewhat riveting, with the boyfriend doing his best to emulate an amateur Ghost Buster. But then the unraveling process of the plot seems to go on much longer than it really should have. Despite feeling ripped off from this particular cinematic experience, I did take away an important message from it. And that lesson was: No average looking chick that comes with emotional or demonic baggage is worth the hassle, even if she is the proud owner of perky D-cups boobies.

Unless you enjoy endings that leave you severely disappointed (e.g.- Contact) then Paranormal Activity will be worth wasting your valuable time.
If I didn't know any better, I'd think that the campaign manager responsible for George W. Bush's re-election, Karl Rove, was behind the marketing hype of this flick. In conclusion, I'd only rent this movie as a joke to play upon others by forcing them to watch it. That way I could savor their expressions of outrage at the fact that Paranormal Activity had involuntarily and irreparably stripped them of 82 precious minutes of nonrefundable life. That would be the only paranormal activity people would experience by choosing to watch this film.