Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Who's Hotter Than Jenna Jameson?

Jenna Jameson used to be hot, but these days she's looking more like she was sired by Daffy Duck.

Is Jenna better looking than Ziggy Stardust?

Or David Bowie from the movie Labyrinth, who looks like Hugh Laurie (from the TV show House M.D.) with 80's rock star hair, while donning dominatrix duds?

Hmm, I would have to say that Baby Huey is much more attractive than Jenna Jameson. There's something subtly sexy about a retarded, overweight duck in diapers.


A New Breed of Duck: Jenna Jameson

If Jenna was addicted to drugs, and I was her pusher, our conversation would go something like this:

JENNA: "Hey, can you score me some crack?"

ME: "You know the routine, you worthless fuck duck."

JENNA: "Aw, cut me some slack!"

ME: "Do it, or get lost."

JENNA: "Quack."

ME: "Huh? I couldn't hear that. What did you say?"

JENNA: "Quack! Quack! Gimme some damn QUACK!"

ME: "That's better. Here ya go..."



Fabio is so desperate for media attention that he purposely performs a wardrobe malfunction.

Fabio is writing an autograph out to his #1 fan: Fabio.

Embarrassed, Fabio asks the cameraman how to spell his name.

Fabio is the only one who shows up for the meeting of D-Listers Anonymous.

Fabio finds himself hesitant about signing his life away to an 8 year gay porn contract.


Monday, September 10, 2007

Britney Spears is Hyperactive

Britney Spears can still totally ROCK! There was SO much energy in her dance routine, it was like watching an out of control Mexican jumping bean bounce off the walls after being soaked overnight in Red Bull.

And don't get me started on her singing. I've not seen such perfectly timed lip syncing since Ashely Simpson's appearance on Saturday Night Live.

Did you see when that male dancer groped and felt up that messed up mother of two? That guy must have got either:
  1. Extra pay for doing so
  2. Did it on a dare
  3. Drew the shortest straw
  4. Or thoroughly hates himself.

The only choreography Britney got right was when she fell backwards into the awaiting arms of her backup dancers. If you listen carefully, you can hear one of the girls slap Britney across the face when she began to loudly snore after Spears decided to take a little siesta.

At the end, Spears' last line was "I just want more." I'm here to say that I've had more than enough of Britney.

If I had a kid that wanted $80 to go see a Britney Spears concert, I'd sit the child down and tell the story of Milli Vanilli .

Paying money to see a "live performance" by Britney Spears would be like paying money to see a "live performance" by Jennifer Lopez.