Thursday, October 16, 2008

Dream Car

I was saving up money to buy an Audi R8, but I've abandoned all such plans to do so because of the very convincing ad below.

In the dire economic times that we currently live in, who in their right state of mind wouldn't want to live that dream, much less drive it. From now on, when chicks ask what's my sign I'll proudly declare ARIES.


Wednesday, October 15, 2008


"FYI Crowe, lots of 34-year-old men are unable to grow full beards."

Body of Lies is a drama about the U.S. and Jordanian intelligence agencies trying to acquire information regarding the whereabouts of the leader of a terrorist organization in the Middle East. It's old school methods versus technological advances involved in a race to arrest their suspect.

The best acting came from Mark Strong (which used to be my old porn alias), who plays the Chief of Jordanian Intelligence.

This film is best viewed by renting it. Mainly because the complicated and tangled web of deception used by both sides might be difficult for some to follow. With a DVD you have the luxury of rewinding, turning up the volume and commanding those immediately around you to shut up so that you can properly hear the dialogue.


Tuesday, October 14, 2008


“This pillow is a lot warmer than the goose feather one I had.”

Henrietta’s one night of “doggie style” bliss came at a painful price.

“That’s the last time I try to hatch a Cadbury Creme egg.”

Gene splicing outcomes can be a bitch to perfect.

Foghorn Leghorn will not be pleased.

Meet the Angelina Jolie of chickens.

Henrietta is not sure if she’s just given birth to a Pupkin or a Chuppy.

Against Pamela Anderson’s wishes, Henrietta would rather wear dead puppy fur than go naked.

The hen that laid the golden retriever.

Gonzo will not be pleased.

“Damn puppy refuses to hatch!”

“I shall call him…Rover.”

“Lil’ chick, go ahead and peck away at the dead puppy. It won’t bite.”

Henrietta is more than a little disappointed at the guard dog she purchased online from

Fearing for his life, this Michael Vick witness goes into the Puppy Protection Program.

The San Diego Chicken will not be pleased.

FOGHORN: "I told you to abort that sonofabitch!”


Monday, October 13, 2008


Camilla Parker Bowels stars in Quarantine.

This film is about an apartment building being quarantined by the Center of Disease Control because of an extremely fast acting rabies outbreak within the complex that converts its victims into mindless zombies within mere minutes.

The majority of it is filmed by the unsteady hand of a news station camera man that seems to be constantly shaking (most probably due to his meth withdrawal symptoms). Although, the picture jerkiness isn't nearly as bad as Cloverfield, but I honestly cannot say it's a whole lot better. There also seems to be numerous inexplicable plot flaws that force you wonder if the screenplay was adapted from a rejected highschool play (emphasis on the word 'high').

Jennifer Carpenter wasn't terribly believable when trying to act natural as a reporter, but towards the end the scenes that required for her to be terrified was the best performance in the entire film...aside from the zombies, of course.

The scene on the movie poster and trailer involving the lady being dragged away is the ending. So the conclusion didn't come as a surprise to me as the movie was running out of time. Advertising the ending of a movie is like reading the last page of a mystery novel first.

This flick is only worth watching through your neighbor's window if they happened to have wasted their money by renting it.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Kimbo Slice's Next Opponent

Welcome to Brazilian divorce court. Winner gets the house & kids.

This is why I'm such a big fan of the growing sport of Mixed Martial Arts. Anybody on any given day can win, no matter what your experience, size, or stature.

That girl could rip Kimbo Slice a new vagina.