Saturday, September 29, 2007

30 Days of Night

This is a movie that's about a small town in Alaska that is enshrouded in complete darkness for one month every year. And during that time, a gang of vampires vacation there to engorge themselves on a buffet of blood.

Here's a picture of my lawyer displaying his gang sign.

Billy Corgan, lead singer of The Smashing Pumpkins, even makes a cameo.


"Baby" Lyssa Chapman

"Baby" Lyssa Chapman is Dog the Bounty Hunter's daughter, but there's just something about her that seems very familiar. I can't quite put my finger on it. It's as if I've seen Lyssa somewhere else before...

Ah, yes! I remember now:



Michelle Rodriguez in Let's Go To Prison Too

Michelle Rodriguez might spend some time in the pokey for violating her parole.

M-Rod was supposed to perform her community service for her 2003 DUI charge, but decided to go to New York instead. Now she faces a $2000 fine and up to 537 days in jail. After Michelle does her time, she won't ever want to leave. I hear prison can be a lesbian paradise.

"I can drink pussies under the table."


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Vivica A. Drunk: "Not Guilty"

"I was sober that night, or my natural tits are FAKE."

Vivica A. Fox had the audacity to plead not guilty to charges of driving under the influence in a court of law. Fox must not be religious or has completely forsaken God because I'm pretty sure you have to place your hand on a Bible and swear to tell the TRUTH.

Here are some truths:

Vivica was driving 80 mph, while weaving sporadically in a traffic lane on a freeway.

Vivica failed a multitude of sobriety tests because too much booze was affecting her balance.

Vivia's blood-alcohol level was over the legal limit of .08.

She stated to the Negro officer, "Brother, help a sister, are you going to let this racist white cop do this ... well, are you?"

She began to walk away and berate the two officers as she was being arrested.

If convicted, Fox could spend up to six months in jail (yeah, right) and receive a $1000 fine.

Maybe if Vivica A. Fox didn't spend so much money on botched Botox treatments and frightful looking face lifts, she could afford a cab ride home.



Initially, I thought the plot involved a woman who ran out of Midol and subsequently was unable to control her severe premenstrual symptoms, so she decided to go on a killing spree. Such was not the case.

It's about a woman who is brutally victimized by Hispanic gang members, who also murder her finace. This prompts Jodie's character to purchase a gun.

The wonderful part of this movie was Jodie Foster's acting. People constantly praise Meryl Streep for being the best actress alive. I would beg to differ. Jodie Foster consistently chooses the more difficult roles and pulls them off with seamless perfection. As far as acting skill is concerned, I'd rate her past Robert DeNiro, Dustin Hoffman, and Denzel Washington.

Take notes Nicole Kidman and Meg Ryan. THIS is how you physically mature with grace and dignity - something that can NEVER be achieved with Botox obsessed bimbos.


Who Wants 2b a Pop Star?



Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Tara Reid Looking Mighty Fine

Tara Reid looks a lot like my friend's drunken Aunt Trudie. Trudie's home away from home is on the bar room floor. Perhaps Tara and Trudie have already met each other.

Is it just me or does Tara's nipple look way off center. It seems to have migrated to the armpit side of her boob. Maybe it's a huge mole. I did read today that drinking more than 3 servings of alcohol a day can increase a woman's chance of breast cancer.

In recent years, Tara Reid's breasts have become noticeably larger. I'm not a doctor, but there could be a significant chance that Tara's boobies are filled with tumors! WHORE-AY!



Eastern Promises was good.

It's about the Russian Mob in London. A baby is born to an under aged hooker, who dies giving birth to it. When a nurse tries to find the next of kin for the newborn, she finds herself enmeshed in sensitive Russian mafia affairs.

Although, I have to warn you that Aragon's winky is visible in one scene. I'm surpised I didn't see a desperate fat chick run up to the movie screen yelling, "Precious! MY PRECIOUS!!"