Wednesday, December 09, 2009

Tiny Fighters CAPTIONED!

An innocent photo op that suddenly turns violent.

"There's only room for one cutey pie in this household."

"He deserves it mom! He lied to me about being Puss 'n' Boots from Shrek."

"Not so adorable now, are you? ARE YOU!!!"

"I want to be a veterinarian when I grow up, because I enjoy putting cats to sleep."

"Take one more step, and I'll snap kitty's neck like a twig!"

Mittens caught in a near-naked choke submission is forced to tap out.

"This will teach you to use my crib as a litter box!"

Till the very end, Mittens refused to give up the location of the soother.

"Who's the 'pussy' now, bitch?"

A fight broke out when Mittens declared that Miley Cyrus was gay.

Kitty discovers the hard way that auto asphyxiation is a real turn on.

This battle will determine who is more gingery.

Things turned ugly when Mittens insinuated that he wasn't the only one who was adopted.


Tuesday, December 08, 2009


Right after Raizo murdered Po the Kung Fu Panda.

Ninja Assassin is about ninjas getting paid to kill those designated by others to die. Raizo, a ninja with a conscious, escapes the clutches of his prominent clan to dedicate his time in foiling its various lucrative assassination for hire contract hits. An acceptable alternative title for this movie could have also been Going Rogue. It stars a dude named Rain and the Voodoo priestess from Pirates of the Caribbean.

Rain may look like a Korean Calvin Klein underwear model, but he grew up in poverty when his dad's business failed and then bailed on his family to flee to Brazil. Rain got his start in show business as a back up dancer (sort of like Kevin Federline). He later ventured out on his own and became a successful Asian recording artist (unlike Kevin Federline).

All in all, Ninja Assassin was an extremely violent, yet entertaining, ballet of death. Although, there were instances where the special effects looked very unconvincing and the exaggerated abilities of the ninjas could have been depicted much better. Despite those small critiques, it's still probably the best ninja movie Hollywood has ever produced, if you don't count Mortal Combat. Ninja Assassin is a must rent for fans of martial arts films who prefer not to witness the awkwardly unnatural use of the wire and harness when it comes to aerial action sequences.