Britney Spears is Hyperactive

Britney Spears can still totally ROCK! There was SO much energy in her dance routine, it was like watching an out of control Mexican jumping bean bounce off the walls after being soaked overnight in Red Bull.

And don't get me started on her singing. I've not seen such perfectly timed lip syncing since Ashely Simpson's appearance on Saturday Night Live.

Did you see when that male dancer groped and felt up that messed up mother of two? That guy must have got either:

1. Extra pay for doing so
   
2. Did it on a dare
3. Drew the shortest straw
4. Or thoroughly hates himself.

The only choreography Britney got right was when she fell backwards into the awaiting arms of her backup dancers. If you listen carefully, you can hear one of the girls slap Britney across the face when she began to loudly snore after Spears decided to take a little siesta.

At the end, Spears' last line was "I just want more." I'm here to say that I've had more than enough of Britney.

If I had a kid that wanted $80 to go see a Britney Spears concert, I'd sit the child down and tell the story of Milli Vanilli .

Paying money to see a "live performance" by Britney Spears would be like paying money to see a "live performance" by Jennifer Lopez.

Britney Spears Gives Birth

Britney just can't seem to keep her legs closed, but this time she has a very good excuse.

The crazy bitch had to part them once again in order to give birth to a puppy.

The young canine was born in the exact same vehicle it was conceived in, weighing in at a healthy 2lbs 3oz.

Just look at Spears' stoic expression. Nobody can deny that she's become an accomplished pro at producing useless mammals.

Britney has yet to name her latest brood. I'm going to suggest Coochie or Cooter. Or why not a more traditional moniker, like Snoopy?

Bald Britney

"Nothing compares to you. Noth-thing compares to my new hairdo!"

Let's speculate on why Britney Spears cut her hair, shall we:

1) Ms. Spears is going through a Sinead O'Connor phase.

2) The chemotherapy look is back.

3) Britney wanted to emulate the look of her babies.

4) Britney wanted to dispel rumors, once and for all, that she's not a natural blonde.

5) Ms. Spears is reinventing her stage persona by becoming a nig*er hate'n Skin Head.

6) Britney has been hired to be the new spokesperson for Mr. Clean.

7) On a dare, Britney let Kevin Federline to cut her hair.

8) While at the salon, Ms. Spears was possessed by the ghost of Telly Savalas.

9) Desperate to revive her music career, Britney has become the new lead singer of R.E.M.

10) Ms. Spears wanted her carpet to match her drapes.

Britney Spears NEEDS Wonder Bra Sponsorship


Must be close to a defcon 1 alert because Britney is ready to launch her misshapen torpedo tits. What a patriot. Er, I mean idiot.

Isn't this dangerous? I mean what if Mrs.Spears spontaneously lactates on the ground before her bare hillbilly feet, while carrying her two doomed-to-fail-at-life babies? I hear that spilt milk is much more slippery than an oil slick and over ripe banana peels combined.

What I don't understand is why haven't the authorities arrested Britney Spears for the numerous counts of indecent exposure she has already committed?

Does this mean I, too, can walk around Hollywood and flash my naughty bits to whomever I please? If that is indeed the case, then what the hell am I doing here writing this stupid post? I've got some serious flashing to catch up on! Weeeeeeeeeeeee!

A Secret of Britney Spears Revealed



I'm not sure when or where this picture was taken, but I now have figured out how Britney comes up with her alluring smells for her perfume lines.

She has an Odor Expert flown in from France, has him sniff and rate a variety of Ms. Spears' farts, and then bottles the appropriate scent for production.

In the above photo, I believe we are witnessing the essense of Curious being captured.