Paula Abdul = Role Model

When I grow up, I want a job like Paula Abdul's where I can show up to work drunk and still get paid a ridiculous sum of money for it.

The employees at the Jack Daniels bottling plant must feel (Crown) royally gypped.

Paula Abdul is a Drunk

I hope this didn't take place on a morning show, because getting drunk before noon is an unsobering cry for help.

What Paula Abdul needs is a boyfriend. And when I say "boyfriend", what I really mean is a bartender. Now that is a match Lavalife would be envious of making.

What? That's not so bad. I can think of far worse fates, like getting legally hitched to a rhythmless backup dancer.