Saturday, July 14, 2007

Jane Velez-Mitchell

Ahh, sweet, lovely Jane.

Ms. Jane Velez-Mitchell is the replacement host for the Headline News show that stars, the often angry, Nancy Grace (Did it just suddenly get cold in here at the mention of that name? Br-r-r-r-r!).

I prefer watching Velez-Mitchell as opposed to the overbearing, needlessly opinionated, constantly interrupting Nancy Grace, and I'll tell you why. Not only is this 51-year-old extremely easy on the eyes, but Ms. Velez-Mitchell comes across as unbiased on touchy subject matters. It shows me that she's a professional at what she does and allows for me to arrive at my own conclusions. I, for one, am appreciative that. Nancy shoves her unfounded opinions down her viewers' throat like it was candy soaked in urine - ultimately, it leaves a bitter taste in your mouth.

Also, Ms. Velez-Mitchell's commanding, attention-holding voice resonates a deep, subtle sexiness to it. In other words, to put Jane's lovely vocal chords into perspective, she's the female equivalent to Tom Brokaw (former NBC news anchorman) . In my opinion, Jane Velez-Mitchell is the Frank Sinatra of anchorwomen, and one of the few people in broadcasting that could make the word "poop" sound respectable.

If I were amongst the powers that be at CNN, I'd drop Nancy Grace as fast as Britney Spears would a baby. Nancy is nothing more than an idiot magnet for Headline News. I'd be willing to bet a hefty sum that the majority of Grace's target demographic have IQ's of 75 or less. I hear that bitch is pregnant with twin pups, so my entertainment will come when I bear witness to how much Nancy physically balloons. With the camera adding an extra 10 pounds, it should be rather interesting. I expect to eventually see an albino version of Rasputia from the movie, Norbit.

So, to reiterate, get rid of Nancy Grace and welcome Jane Velez-Mitchell with open arms. The worst that could happen by doing so would be to accumulate some credibility.

Whenever Nancy Grace uses her over exaggerated Southern drawl, it makes me want to refer to her as Nancy the Cable Broad.




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