Future Mom of the Year CAPTIONED!

"Is it a boy or a girl? Ah, who cares? I'll just name it 'Twitter'."

"Just phoning Maury Povich to find out who's my baby's daddy."

"Yeah, yeah. Big deal. I've got 4 others like that one at home."

"Happy to meet you, mommy. Mom? MOM! Over here!"

"I'm pressing mute on this remote and my baby still won't shut up."



"What am I doing? Calling Angelina Jolie to pawn my baby."

"Mom, you can close your damn legs now, you filthy slut!"

"Hold on. I'm sexting Tiger Woods."

A new mom Googling advice on how to care for illegitimate bastards.

"Ma'am, I'm afraid your baby was born with with Snuggie Syndrome."