The UFC Franchise is Back

Brock Lesnar, or as I like to call him: The Albino Hulk, has fully recovered from all of his debilitating ailments.


"I'm SO damn constipated right now!"

I can't even imagine what I would do if doctors told me that they had to take out my ass hole and replace it with a douche bag hanging out of my belly button. It must almost be like being a cast member of MTV's hit reality show, Jersey Shore.




Now all they have to do is get rid of the mildly retarded UFC announcer, Mike Goldberg.

I swear, Joe Rogan and Dana White are carrying Goldberg and the sad part is that Mike isn't even drunk. And it is continually getting worse. Rogan recently started saying Goldberg's first name after each color comment he makes and vice versa. As well as being unbearably annoying, it's as if Joe is doing his best to keep Goldberg's suspected severe attention deficit disorder in check.

JOE: "Oh, what a hard right by Lesnar, Mike. Mike? *snaps fingers* Over here, Mike!"

MIKE: "Cookie?"

If I was in charge of the UFC, I would shake the announcing chairs up. I would demote Mike Goldberg to team up with the excellent analyzing savvy of Frank Mir and promote WEC announcer, Todd Harris, to sit up with Joe Rogan. I wouldn't terminate Goldberg only because I would be very interested in seeing how much Mir could tolerate Mike's oral flubs. That is before Frank decides to choke Mike out in the middle of a live broadcast. I have a strong feeling that bold move would make for some really good television.