Monkey Business

This is Cheeta. He recently celebrated his 76th birthday. That is more than enough to place Cheeta in the Guinness Book of World Records for being the oldest chimpanzee in recorded history. He also co-starred in the 1934 film, Tarzan the Ape Man. That's right, I said 19 frikkin 34. Back then my great grandfather was a teenager, who spent his days fantasizing about Betty Boop doing pantyless cartwheels in his bedroom.

Unfortunately, Cheeta was denied an honor that has been bestowed upon other far lesser known "celebrities". He was turned down for a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.



"Don't hate me because I'm beautiful."

If obscure, flash-in-the-pan celebrities like Michael Bolton can receive such honors, why not Cheeta? Godzilla and Kermit the Frog are on the Walk of Fame, and they're essentially inanimate objects.

As it turns out, even Erik Estrada has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Like what the fuh???


"No, my TV show was called C.H.i.P.s - not 'shits'."



"Honey, Nikki Cox has lips like mine - not the other way around."