Cobain's Ashes Disappeared

"What lipstick? Scurvy is making my gums bleed."

Earlier this month, Courtney Love claimed that the ashes of her much more significant other, Kurt Cobain, were stolen from her home. She still has not been able to retrieve the missing remnants of her husband.


"My showbiz career is kind of like me - undead."

If Courtney Love is good at anything, it's losing things. She lost her husband courtesy of suicide, temporarily lost custody of her daughter, lost her mind when she decided to vandalize her manager's house, lost her belly cellulite to an industrial vacuum cleaner, lost $20 million when it was swindled away from her crooked circle of friends, lost what little physical beauty she had left due to her ongoing feud with Father Time, and lost the ashes of her late, great husband. Let's presume that Courtney accidentally snorted Cobain's remains through a straw.

The day Courtney Love actually finds something is the day that I'm going to be seriously concerned. One thing I hope Ms. Love will never find is music she deems worthy of singing, recording, and selling to others. Let's face it, that's like the proverbial Sasquatch, for it does not exist.


"Yargh! I wiped my ass with poison ivy again!"