The Deen Money Making Machine

"Cowl 9-1-1. Ahm suh-ferin ah-nuthah mini stroke."

Paula Deen is a sweet talking Food Network cooking show host who speaks with an inviting Southern drawl and has a penchant for cooking with abundant amounts of butter and sugar. After knowing for 3 years, Paula has come out of the Diabetes closet now that she will be taking promotional money from an insulin needle company. Deen kept it a secret so that she could keep on making enough bread in order to lavishly spend her misbegotten dough.

What Paula Deen has done by not being forthcoming about her Type 2 Diabetes situation is equivalent to her fooling around on her husband for more than 3 years. During that time she has unprotected sex with enough people to fill 50 stadiums. Erstwhile, Mrs. Deen has contracted the Aids virus. Just her doctor and herself know of this fact, and so she continues on with her promiscuous ways. Only after Paula is offered to become a well paid spokesperson for Trojan condoms does Deen come publicly clean with her ailment. In the mean time, there is no telling how many lives Mrs. Deen has affected (or, in this scenario, infected) negatively.

Mrs. Deen's popular calorie laden recipes have helped make pharmaceutical companies rich beyond belief, and are now sharing the wealth with Paula as a warmhearted, "Thahnk eeyou!"