Monday, February 09, 2009

Celebrites Accused of Murder

"In the words of Judge Dredd and Steven Segal: 'I am above the law.' "

O.J. Simpson was an actor and former star running back for the NFL's Buffalo Bills. He was accused of brutally murdering his ex-wife and her boyfriend. A jury acquitted Simpson of all charges, but some still believe that he was behind the slayings, despite his super realistic portrayal of Detective Nordberg in The Naked Gun movie.

"Call me 'Little Beaver' again and I'll kill you."

Robert Blake
was a child actor in the Our Gang movie series. He went on to star in the popular Baretta television show. Blake was accused and acquitted of murdering his wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley.
Bonnie was waiting outside of a restaurant in Blake's car when she was shot in the head at close range.

It turned out that Bakley occupied her time by sending naked pictures of herself to lonely old men with the promise of visiting them in person in exchange for money. By scamming many elderly individuals out of their life savings, Bakley was able to make multiple real estate purchases. It was also revealed that Bonnie's marriage to Blake was her 10th. Bakley's first marriage was to her 1st cousin, who sired her two eldest children. This proves, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Robert Blake is nothing if not a good judge of character.

"I was absolutely shocked at finding a dead broad in my house."

Phil Spector, the son of Russian Jews (who also happened to be 1st cousins), is a record producer that has made hits with John Lennon, George Harrison, Tina Turner, The Ramones, and the ridiculously super talented Yoko Ono. Spector's first gig in the music business was in 1959 as a member of a band called The Teddy Bears. Legend has it that the group specialized in a genre of music few refer to as the earliest recorded version of death metal.

In 2003, Phil Spector was indicted with murdering a 40-year-old House of Blues hostess, named Lana Clarkson. Lana was found dead inside Phil's mansion with a fatal bullet wound to her mouth. Spector claims Clarkson accidentally committed suicide. On the evening of the unfortunate incident, Lana was performing fellatio to the barrel of his gun when the pistol suddenly blew its load. In 2007, a deadlocked jury caused a mistrial for this case. Jury selection for a new trial was to be conducted in October of 2008.

Sadly, Sid died before he could make unibrows sexy again.

Sid Vicious was the bassist for a punk rock group called the Sex Pistols. The son of a hippie mom and a Buckingham Palace guard father, Sid was also a severe drug addict. Probably due to his conflicting genetic makeup.

In 1978, Sid woke up to find his girlfriend dead on his bathroom floor. She had apparently bled to death from a knife wound to her abdomen. Vicious had no memory of the stabbing because he was extremely high on heroin. Authorities charged Sid for killing his girlfriend.

Years later, a book would be published claiming that a substantial amount of money and drugs was stolen on the night of the murder. The book goes on to name an actor and comedian, named Rockets Redglare, might have been the one who delivered the fatal stab wound to Sid's girlfriend.

Sid never lived long enough to find out the truth. In February of 1979, Vicious was released on bail from a different incident. To celebrate, instead of Chinese takeout, Sid's mom ordered some heroin for her only son. Having been sober for two months while in prison, Sid's tolerance for the drug had substantially decreased. The next day, Vicious' girlfriend found him dead in bed as the result of an overdose. It turns out that the concentration of the heroin injected into the tracked arm of Sid Vicious was 99% pure. The average for what could be bought on the streets at that time was a purity of just 5%.

"Colorization makes me seem extremely creepy."

Roscoe Fatty Arbuckle was an overweight comedic silent film actor. Fatty is credited with helping Buster Keaton, Charlie Chaplin, and Bob Hope get their big breaks in Hollywood. Being the first actor ever to be paid $1 million per year, Arbuckle was in the prime of his career.

That all changed in 1921 when Fatty's name became entwined in a scandal that instantly besmirched his reputation and haunted him for the remainder of his life. Arbuckle was partying in a hotel room when one of his female guests, Virginia Rappe, complained of abdominal pains. The hotel doctor checked her out and attributed her symptoms to the massive consumption of alcohol she had imbibed. A couple days later Rappe went to the hospital and died of a ruptured bladder. A friend of Virginia told police that the injury was caused by Fatty raping Rappe. After that, rampant, unsubstantiated rumors spread amongst the front pages of nationally published newspapers (the birth of the tabloid?). After three court trials it was found that Ms. Rappe's friend had a lengthy rap sheet that included fraud and extortion.

Being exonerated of any wrong doing didn't come cheap for Roscoe. His marriage was over,
he lost his house and cars, had to pay $700,000 to his attorneys, and his career was essentially ruined.

John Holmes auditioning for the villain in James Bond's Octopussy.

John Holmes (no relation to Katie) was an adult film legend who had appeared in 2,274 pornographic movies. By the late 70's, Holmes had been a cocaine addict for many years, which eventually led him to not being able to "perform". To support his insatiable drug habit, John made money by committing credit card fraud, theft, delivering illegal narcotics, and prostituting himself to women...and even men.

In 1981, while under the employment of the Wonderland Gang (gayest gang name EVER!), Holmes was caught skimming cash on a couple drug runs. Unable to pay back the gang, John told them of a house where they could steal jewelery, drugs and other valuable items that would more than pay them back in full. Holmes brought the gang to his new acquaintance's house, Eddie Nash. What the gang didn't know was that Eddie Nash was the most powerful drug dealer on the West Coast. Nash strongly suspected that Holmes knew who was behind his burglary and forced him to lead Eddie to the culprits.
Nash sent Holmes and his thugs to the Wonderland Gang's house. After that, things got rather messy. Eddie's goons bludgeoned every gang member there, while Jefferson Starship's "White Rabbit" song was playing in the background. One homicide detective would later say that the Wonderland murder scene was more bloodier than Charles Manson's.

Fearing the wrath of Nash, Holmes refused to answer questions regarding the incident and fled from authorities. Six months later, the police arrested him in Florida. Still refusing to relay what he knew about the Wonderland incident, John was ultimately found not guilty of the murders, but imprisoned for a few months in 1982 for other minor crimes he had committed.

Once released from jail, Holmes got back into the porn industry. By then, John wasn't top stud anymore and the pay for men had diminished considerably. In 1985, Holmes was diagnosed with AIDS. By 1986, the disease caused him to look emaciated. The "Holocaust" look in was not deemed attractive, so his porn career in North America came (tee-hee) to an abrupt end. John's over achieving manager was somehow able to find him work in European porn films. In 1988, John Holmes died of AIDS related complications.

The Hollywood films, Wonderland, and Boogie Nights (donkey dick) were loosely based off of John Holmes' life.



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