Celebrities Coping with Progeria

Lindsay in an ad for Poligrip.

Meet tennis sensation, Lindsay Davenport. This picture was taken sometime in her twenties. She is currently in her very early 30's. The hairstyle in that photo looks to be from the late 1930's.





"Who just touched my knee? False alarm. It was my tit."

Say hello to Kirsten Dunst (You'll have to speak up because this old lady is hard of hearing). Her claim to fame is being grossly miscast as Mary Jane Watson in the Spider-Man movie trilogy (Betty White could've done a better job at playing Peter Parker's love interest). Believe it or not, Ms. Dunst just turned 26, despite her saggy boobs looking like they have already celebrated their seventieth.






This is Grammy Award winning singer, Amy Winehouse. She is 24, and apparently going on 44.


"Help! I've misplaced my suspenders...and my ass."





The 60's + Vomited Spinach = The inspiration for Heigl's dress pattern.

In the above photo, Katherine Heigl is in her mid-twenties. She co-stars on a television show called Grey's Anatomy. I wouldn't be surprised if another part of Heigl's anatomy is "grey" - like her pubes. Katherine is one of the most overrated actresses on the planet. I swear, if Heigl possessed small breasts Hollywood would consider her talentless.






Maggie Gyllenhall's real name is Margret Ruth, which is very appropriate because those are the two most ancient sounding names I could ever think of...besides Methuselah. Thirty year old "Maggie" will be in the upcoming Batman movie, The Dark Knight. Mrs. Gyllenhaal will be playing the role of villain, as Bruce Wayne's deceased mother, Morticia. Maggie will require no special effects makeup for this role.


Maggie's grandchild choking on curdled milk.





"Contrary to popular belief, I'm not Eleanor Roosevelt."

Chelsea Clinton is the only (verified) child of former U.S. President, Bill Clinton (I can see why he stopped at one). She is 28 years old - and I must emphasize the word OLD. The sad part of the above photo is that Chelsea Clinton is wearing the best makeup money can buy.


"Unless you wish for my dad to have you assassinated, you won't refer to me as 'Chel-Sea Biscuit' again."