I've Seen DRAG ME TO HELL

This is what Avril Lavigne looks like without makeup.

Drag Me To Hell is about a banker that is given the stink-eye when she denies an elderly gypsy a third extension on her overdue loan. It stars Alison Lohman and Justin Long from Jeepers Creepers and those numerous Apple ads. Ellen Page, who played Kitty Pride in X-Men 2, was supposed to play the lead, but dropped out to be in a Roller Derby comedy directed by Drew Barrymore. I, too, would make the exact same decision if I wanted my film career to take off like a long range Korean missile, only to sputter, spiral, and crash into the ocean depths off the coast of Japan, never ever to be seen again.

I didn't find this movie frightening at all. In fact, I found it to be more comically gross than horrifying. But the teenaged dude sitting next to me found it to be the latter. On at least two different occasions he violently jolted away from the screen, and we were seated at the very back row. The movie wasn't even in 3-D! And one of the scenes that spooked him involved a dainty article of clothing. I swear, the tiny girlfriend that accompanied that scaredy cat had more courage. At one point, she had to hold onto his hand to silently console and reassure him. That pussy probably still has recurring nightmares involving Mrs. Ganush. He's probably currently being counseled into turning those bad dreams into fantasies. To me, that's freakier than auto-erotically asphyxiating yourself in a foreign closet with rope tied around your naked neck and nads.

If you didn't like Sam Raimi's Spiderman 3, I think you'll find Drag Me to Hell to be much more entertaining. I deem this film to be worth watching once at the Imax theater for.