Chris "Don't Call Me Charlie" Brown

"Crazy-ass bitch! I think your stupid face just broke my hand."

Chris Brown is a singer/"actor" who used to be romantically involved with fellow singer Rihanna. I say "used to be" because he sort of ruined that relationship when he repeatedly kissed Rihanna's face with his pommeling fist until she became unconscious and had to go to the hospital for eating one too many bad knuckle sandwiches.

This negative publicity stunt has pretty much ruined 19-year-old Chris Brown's career. But I say there's still a tiny sliver of hope for him in the spokesperson business. That's right. Brown can represent a huge tool company that would capitalize on his woman beating ways. And that company is:


This Christmas, drill the one you love with Black & Deck Her.