Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Craig Wants Gay Scene for Next Bond

Hmm, now that you mention it, that gun could be seen as symbolism for a certain part of the male anatomy.

James Bond as a homocidal homosexual? Daring, indeed, but that wasn't the kind of "action" I was anticipating for the next 007 installment.

I was thinking more along the lines of big bangs, explosions, and shooting scenes. Okay, is it me or does the previous sentence sound like something a porn director would actually say?

If producers are going to allow for this to happen, here's how I think it ought to go down -er- I mean happen:

Mr. Bond is lured into a trap, because he has yet to know who his enema - I mean, enemy is. Once captured, it is revealed to James that the bad guys are played by Mick Jagger and David Bowie. The wrinkly rockers start kissing and groping each other once the cheesy porn music is cued, and then the scene fades to black with Bond screaming like Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds, while begging for a blindfold.

The powers that be should also title that film: James Bondage: Licenced to Drill & Thrill or Double Oh! Sixty-Nine.

Imagine if studio exectutives decided to re-edit past James Bond films to place more gay scenes in them. They would probably have to change the titles of them too. For example:

Dr. No to Dr. Feelgood: Proctologist

Goldfinger to Fudgefinger

Thunderball to the obvious Big Balls of Thunder

You Only Live Twice to You Only Came Twice?

Moonraker to Man Raper

Octopussy to Octopenis

The Living Daylights to The Fading Gay Lights (Not sure what that pertains to either)

and finally...

Golden Eye to Brown Eye

If the next Bond film is going to have James sport a thong Speedo throughout the movie, they might as well go ahead and label it a comedy.



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