"Just phoning Maury Povich to find out who's my baby's daddy."
"Yeah, yeah. Big deal. I've got 4 others like that one at home."
"Happy to meet you, mommy. Mom? MOM! Over here!"
"I'm pressing mute on this remote and my baby still won't shut up."
"What am I doing? Calling Angelina Jolie to pawn my baby."
"Mom, you can close your damn legs now, you filthy slut!"
"Hold on. I'm sexting Tiger Woods."
A new mom Googling advice on how to care for illegitimate bastards.
"Ma'am, I'm afraid your baby was born with with Snuggie Syndrome."
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